When we talk about leadership, we tend to emphasize vision, decisiveness, execution, problem-solving ability, and other qualities. However, no matter how great a leader’s vision or how outstanding his or her abilities may be, that leadership will be difficult to sustain if the leader cannot win people’s hearts. The starting point of leadership that moves people’s hearts is empathy.
There is an English saying: “Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes.” Empathy is more than simply listening to what another person says. It is making an effort to understand that person’s situation and emotions from his or her perspective. An exceptional leader asks questions before passing judgment: “If I were in that person’s shoes, how would I feel?” What matters is not merely the facts, but the emotions behind them.
When Nehemiah was serving as the king’s cupbearer in the Persian palace, he heard that the walls of Jerusalem had been broken down, its gates had been burned with fire, and the people were suffering greatly. He did not immediately say, “I need to go and rebuild the walls.” Instead, the Bible records: “When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven” (Nehemiah 1:4). Nehemiah felt the people’s suffering as though it were his own. This was the beginning of his leadership.
Even before he personally went to Jerusalem, Nehemiah sincerely identified with the pain of its people. Before trying to solve their problem, he first wept with them. Eventually, Nehemiah received permission from the king to go to Jerusalem and rebuild the walls. The people of Jerusalem rebuilt the walls alongside him, not simply because of Nehemiah’s abilities. They did so because he had taken their pain as his own and was willing to face the problem together with them. Here we discover an important principle of leadership: People are willing to commit themselves to a leader who understands them.
Jesus demonstrated the ultimate example of empathetic leadership: “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). We often offer people solutions too quickly. But something needs to come before a solution. Sometimes, the simple words, “I understand how difficult this is for you,” can open a person’s heart. Empathy becomes especially important when a leader is trying to bring change and reform to an organization or a church.
Empathy does not mean that we have to agree with everything another person says. Nor does it mean that we have to acknowledge that the other person’s thinking is correct. Empathy is not agreement; it is understanding. I may not agree with your opinion, but I can understand why you think and feel the way you do. Knowing the difference is a mark of mature leadership.
Ultimately, people listen to someone who understands their hearts. When a leader wins people’s hearts, vision can be communicated, the team can become united, and change can begin. The most powerful force for moving people’s hearts is not command, but empathy. Leaders who win people’s hearts can move people, and leaders who move people can transform the church and the world.